Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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