Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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