i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
