I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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