K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize