is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
