Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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