i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
