I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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