ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
