i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wear drunk well.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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