dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
