i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
