Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Found your dick twin last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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