I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
