So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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