Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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