I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
