you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
