I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
