I think I am morally bankrupt
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
