I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
