from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
