Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
