Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
