look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
