I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
