I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
