Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
