I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
