i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
