He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
