i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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