When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm getting married
To pizza
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
