So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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