That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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