You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
