I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
