Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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