you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
