literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
