i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
