who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
