An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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