I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
