I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
