her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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