Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
