I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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