I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Your cock deserves a montage
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
