I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
