I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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