I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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