So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
