I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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