i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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