don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
