I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
