We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
