i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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