I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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