I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
