Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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