thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
