Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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